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A Valentine's story.

 
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AdamtheWayne



Joined: 09 Jul 2018
Posts: 1170

PostPosted: Tue Feb 04, 2020 12:51 pm    Post subject: A Valentine's story. Reply with quote

Don't worry guys, it ain't mushy.

This happened just a few years back and since Valentine's day is soon to be upon us... AGAIN... this might be of help to some of you fellows who happen to be in a romantic slump. I'm not a romantic guru or anything (just ask Abby), but through a somewhat bizarre set of circumstances I was able to apply my limited knowledge to another guy's issue.

The day before V.D., a younger fellow, neighbor of mine, came trudging by. This was my first experience with a "trudge", I'd never actually witnessed it before but it was unmistakable. For the purposes of this story I'll call him Denny, because that's his name. "YO, Denny... what's with the mopey mug?"

He explained he was down because Valentine's was the next day and he hadn't been getting any "attention", from his girlfriend in some time. I asked if he or she had recently changed any habits? He said no. I asked how long they'd been together and he said five years. Okay... I think we're zeroing in on the problem. I asked him to describe their typical NON Valentine's type day and it was for the most part horrifying that they'd been together that long.

I told him "Dude! You're in syndication at this point. Five years in and she's seen it, heard it, been there. YOU... need to do something new! Wait here." I had just bought Abby the newest, fastest bestest with pinstriping model of foot massager for her V.D. (Okay I just noticed the abbreviation, I'll stop using that) so I brought him the old one. He was taken aback. Here's how the rest of the conversation went:

"Are you willing to let an old man who's been there help you out?"

"I don't know man, that looks like..."

(As Foghorn Leghorn) "I see, I say I see'ya resisting son! Give in to it, it's the only way boah!" Then I settled down because I realized he had NO idea who that was. "Listen, follow my instructions to the letter, I GUARANTEE you, the best "attention" you've gotten, likely in a year."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll mow your lawn all summer, stop focusing on the negative! Are you in?"

"What do I do?"

"Take this home and hide it. Tomorrow you're on your best behavior meaning, you ask her for nothing! After dinner as she's getting up to clear the table, you take her by the hand and lead her to her favorite spot. If she protests at all just gently "Shhhhh" her. Turn on whatever show she loves that we don't get, and set up this foot bath for her."

"And THAT will get me the best "attention" I've had in a year?"

"NO... what you do next WILL."

"Well WHAT do I do NEXT?!"

"... the dishes." (Then I said "trussst inn meeeee", but he didn't know who Kaa was either!) Kids today!

"The dishes? Mannnnn…"

"You have nothing to lose and free lawnmowing to gain."

"A'ight, I'll try it."

As he walked away I thought about a famous line from Yoda. I kept it to myself. The day after Valentine's, he came high stepping, almost dancing, down the street. As he passed by he threw me an "OK" sign from the street as well as a wide grin.

He mowed my lawn all that summer... wasn't that nice of him? Smile
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Dennis O
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Joined: 28 Jan 2018
Posts: 568
Location: Louisville, Ky.

PostPosted: Tue Feb 04, 2020 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well written....
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Mack



Joined: 28 Jan 2018
Posts: 679
Location: deep south

PostPosted: Tue Feb 04, 2020 5:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sound advise from a happily married sage.
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